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Our marriage is not bad, but there is room for improvement. My problem is when I try to talk with Mike about our marriage he does answer or all I hear is "I don’t know?". How is this relationship going to get better if there is only one person working on it?
When I got married my soon to be father-in-law told me; "marriage is 50/50 but both people often fell like they are giving 90% and their partner only 10." What you are feelings is very normal, but beyond that let me point out that you are confusing a person’s ability to talk with their willingness to work.
It sounds like when you "talk" to your husband, what you are really doing is asking questions. Your husband never be able to respond to your questions because he is not you. He does not know how to answers your questions because those are not issues he thinks about.
However, that does not mean he does not want to "work" on the relationship. The laws of physics define "work" as the amount of movement or change multiplied by the amount of force used. Thinking or talking for that mater does not qualify as "work". Change is how work is measured, therefore I would suggest that you instead make requests of your husband, and you leave the talking to the relationships with your girl friends.
If you are feeling like you don’t spend enough time together, don’t ask him if he feels like you should spend more time together, because the best you will hear is "I guess". Instead tell him what you need. "I would love to spend more time together as a couple, so this Friday I have arranged for a sitter and we are going to go out for a date night."
You still won’t get a lot of "talking" from this statement, but he will most likely put aside the time and make himself available for you two to spend the time you are needing.
To get the communication flowing; check out our date night idea under "New Ideas" it will get both your needs met. The trivial date will give you the time you sound like you need, and create a conversation. But the topics that will come up will be ones that both of you have selected and should be much more interactive than the conversations you described.
Thanks for your question, please feel free to ask again.
Brett Williams
"Mr. Marriage"
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